1985
1.5/4 Stars
Explorers is a kid's movie from the 80's that follows the story of three boys- Wolfgang (River Phoenix), Ben (Ethan Hawke), and Darren (Jason Presson)- as they communicate with aliens in their dreams and ultimately design a spaceship to visit the aliens themselves. Each character has a role to play- Wolfgang is the scientist, Ben has a wonderful imagination, and Darren is the skeptical drunk.
The movie is divided into two distinct halves- the first involves the boys designing the flying device and taking it around their home town. This is the best part of the film and captures the imagination of any child who wanted to fly. It is during this half that a character called "Old Creepy Charlie" is introduced. He stalks Ben for a time before discovering their ship. He is never mentioned again. His inclusion in the film is questionable.
The second half of the movie is a disaster. They meet the aliens, who are green, slimy, and obsessed with American television. Wolfgang develops an attraction to one of the aliens ("She is incredibly intelligent!"), but eventually accepts that it is not meant to be. This movie drags a great deal here and limps to the finish line.
It is pretty strange and seems to want to be a commentary on declining values in an increasingly media-driven society. In truth, it is just a weird kid's movie that has potential in the beginning before falling apart.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Broken Arrow
1996
3/4 Stars
Broken Arrow is a great dumb movie. Essentially a series of climaxes, the film jumps quickly from one set piece to the next. The plot, which isn't really that important, revolves around bomber pilot Deke (John Travolta) attempting to steal a nuclear weapon. For some reason, the only man capable of stopping him is his co-pilot Hale (Christian Slater).
Director John Woo is known for his action work, and this does not disappoint. The film begins with a boxing match (between Deke and Hale- so symbolic!), follows up with a camp-ground shooting, a fist fight in a plane, a plane crash, a fight with a park ranger, a shooting on a ridge, a shooting in a canyon, a helicopter explosion, a humvee battle, a fight in mine, a vintage 2 pistol John Woo shootout, a nuclear detonation, another helicopter explosion, a fight on a train, another helicopter explosion, followed by a fourth helicopter explosion, another boxing match, and then a train explosion. That is the entire movie. Awesome.
3/4 Stars
Broken Arrow is a great dumb movie. Essentially a series of climaxes, the film jumps quickly from one set piece to the next. The plot, which isn't really that important, revolves around bomber pilot Deke (John Travolta) attempting to steal a nuclear weapon. For some reason, the only man capable of stopping him is his co-pilot Hale (Christian Slater).
Director John Woo is known for his action work, and this does not disappoint. The film begins with a boxing match (between Deke and Hale- so symbolic!), follows up with a camp-ground shooting, a fist fight in a plane, a plane crash, a fight with a park ranger, a shooting on a ridge, a shooting in a canyon, a helicopter explosion, a humvee battle, a fight in mine, a vintage 2 pistol John Woo shootout, a nuclear detonation, another helicopter explosion, a fight on a train, another helicopter explosion, followed by a fourth helicopter explosion, another boxing match, and then a train explosion. That is the entire movie. Awesome.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
1993
1/4 Stars
Deep in the heart of Japan in the year 1603 there once existed an evil Lord Norignaga who traded gold for guns with the manipulative cowboy Walker. Norignaga's many treasures included a great scepter, one which had the power to allow its owner to TRAVEL THROUGH TIME!
Flash forward to New York City, 1993- into the heart of the sewer! Enter four familiar faces- Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo, dancing their way into the frame. Their old friend April O'Neil arrives. She is carrying bags of garbage she recently bought from a flea market. Hidden among the trash is a scepter that a certain Lord Norignaga has been looking for for a very long time...
So begins the dreadful Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. Shredder and the footclan are vanquished, but a battle in 1603 Japan has yet to be fought. As the prophecy foretells (this is actually part of the movie), it is up to the turtles to fight this battle.
Where to begin? The turtles look atrocious. Their skin is covered in pock marks and their mouths move like sock puppets. Master Splinter looks like he has been run through a garbage disposal and is about to fall apart at any moment. Casey Jones returns, although his role is minimized to the point that he just sits around and watches over some ninjas who are "lost in time".
The turtles' primary attack in the film is "wet willy time". This move involves them sticking their fingers in the ears of the bad guys and making weird noises. This causes the enemy to panic and run away in terror (?). The jokes are horrible ("schwingggg!!" (?)) and the "wacky sound effects" make this movie far worse than the TV show ever was.
One star.
1/4 Stars
Deep in the heart of Japan in the year 1603 there once existed an evil Lord Norignaga who traded gold for guns with the manipulative cowboy Walker. Norignaga's many treasures included a great scepter, one which had the power to allow its owner to TRAVEL THROUGH TIME!
Flash forward to New York City, 1993- into the heart of the sewer! Enter four familiar faces- Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo, dancing their way into the frame. Their old friend April O'Neil arrives. She is carrying bags of garbage she recently bought from a flea market. Hidden among the trash is a scepter that a certain Lord Norignaga has been looking for for a very long time...
So begins the dreadful Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. Shredder and the footclan are vanquished, but a battle in 1603 Japan has yet to be fought. As the prophecy foretells (this is actually part of the movie), it is up to the turtles to fight this battle.
Where to begin? The turtles look atrocious. Their skin is covered in pock marks and their mouths move like sock puppets. Master Splinter looks like he has been run through a garbage disposal and is about to fall apart at any moment. Casey Jones returns, although his role is minimized to the point that he just sits around and watches over some ninjas who are "lost in time".
The turtles' primary attack in the film is "wet willy time". This move involves them sticking their fingers in the ears of the bad guys and making weird noises. This causes the enemy to panic and run away in terror (?). The jokes are horrible ("schwingggg!!" (?)) and the "wacky sound effects" make this movie far worse than the TV show ever was.
One star.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
1991
1.5/4 Stars
The sequel to the original Ninja Turtles is a dumbed down, more child friendly version of the first. There is no more swearing ("damn!") and the violence has been toned down so that rather than fighting with their weapons, the turtles tend to fight with props- like sausages or yo-yos. The "turtle humor" from the first film is back and with a vengeance. This humor remains cheesey and ridiculous making for a very long 88 minute movie.
The villains of the film include Shredder (somehow alive after being crushed by a garbage truck), Tat-Su (crowd pleasing Toshihiro Obata returns), and of course, the mutant babies Toka and Razar. Toka and Razar are impressive puppets, but not scary in the least. Any hint of a gritty edge from the first film has been entirely stripped away for this second effort. Casey Jones is missing (and never even mentioned) and the actress playing April O'Neil has been replaced by unknown Paige Turco.
To sum up, this is a children's film that does little to appeal to adults. The highlight of the movie comes at the very end when the turtles bust into a warehouse and find themselves in the middle of a Vanilla Ice concert. This long sequence involves a ninja rap and a keytar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keytar). Pretty bad stuff, but almost passable for kids.
1.5/4 Stars
The sequel to the original Ninja Turtles is a dumbed down, more child friendly version of the first. There is no more swearing ("damn!") and the violence has been toned down so that rather than fighting with their weapons, the turtles tend to fight with props- like sausages or yo-yos. The "turtle humor" from the first film is back and with a vengeance. This humor remains cheesey and ridiculous making for a very long 88 minute movie.
The villains of the film include Shredder (somehow alive after being crushed by a garbage truck), Tat-Su (crowd pleasing Toshihiro Obata returns), and of course, the mutant babies Toka and Razar. Toka and Razar are impressive puppets, but not scary in the least. Any hint of a gritty edge from the first film has been entirely stripped away for this second effort. Casey Jones is missing (and never even mentioned) and the actress playing April O'Neil has been replaced by unknown Paige Turco.
To sum up, this is a children's film that does little to appeal to adults. The highlight of the movie comes at the very end when the turtles bust into a warehouse and find themselves in the middle of a Vanilla Ice concert. This long sequence involves a ninja rap and a keytar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keytar). Pretty bad stuff, but almost passable for kids.
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